A friend of mine from San Diego said to me recently that if a girl doesn't put out by the third date that she's not worth his time. I was shocked by his brazen disregard for social norms!
After all… who in San Diego dates?
Last time I checked, no one in So Cal actually "dated." I mean, maybe it happens in the movies or on TV or in strange places like the Midwest, but out here? Not so much.
In the olden days, at least… I don't know… five years ago, people who didn't know each other very well used to spend afternoons or evenings together talking and engaging in other enjoyable activities so that they would become more familiar with one another, in order to see if there was an interest on behalf of both parties in someday becoming a "couple." (I feel like Dr. Evil, "laser.") Perhaps other areas of the country still practice this peculiar institution of courting, but out here, the Westside is the best side, we have developed a new process for screening possible mates.
San Diego is a singles town.
Not because there are so many things for single people to do here, but because everyone in San Diego seems to be single. Even if they are married, they're single. Kind of like how no one in San Diego works. Have you ever noticed that? The bars are packed every night. People start Happy Hour at 4 PM on weekdays and they stay out late because they're not worried about when they have to get into work the next morning. The freeways are always crowded; there is never any parking. However, everyone here is also rich (or at least they'd have you believe so).
They wear something new to the club every week; they take trips to Vegas on a whim and get bottle service at high class bars. How do these people that don't seem to do anything afford so much? Let's face it. We live in an expensive city with over-priced homes where everyone drives nice cars and can take off in the middle of the week for opening day at the races where they get to wear silly hats and revel in the joys of public intoxication. It makes no sense.
I digress.
Dating, back to that. "San Diego is a singles town," that's where I left off. Other than Tuesday nights (the lamest night of the week to go out), most evenings seem to be for the unattached. Let's pretend that you are a girl. This might not be hard for some of you if you have two X chromosomes. You go out to a bar and you look smokin' hot… and you're wasted (that's an important part of the story). You meet some dudes, probably not men – just dudes. You exchange numbers and within the next week you've had a call or a text from some of those guys. One of them might suggest something like "Hey, I'd like to see you again. Let's go out sometime."
What does this dude mean by that? Let me decipher.
"Hey": I forgot your name because I was so drunk when I met you, but I saved you into my phone under "F*ckable Chick Johnny V's September 1st.
"I'd like to see you again": Naked, I'd like to see you naked.
"Let's go out sometime": I'll take you to Confidential for bottle service because I don't have a job but I can somehow afford extravagant things, and then let's go back to my apartment for which my parents pay the rent and have 'the sex.'
After a few encounters with this dude, the two usually say that they are "dating". Let's be honest. You're not really dating, you're "So Cal Dating." Then you "break up," which only means that the chick said she wasn't willing to try anal and you've found out that you actually have nothing in common. That's how it works here. Instead of meeting someone and then talking and getting to know each other over the phone and perhaps going out to dinner or a movie, we go out for drinks and little somethin' somethin'.
Is this wrong?
Well, your mom probably wouldn't like it. But who cares? You're young, live a little. Just remember that whoever you're So Cal Dating is probably So Cal Dating a few other people as well.
Is alcohol a big influence in So Cal Dating?
You bet your Red Bull Vodka it is. However, there's no use crying over spilled beer (unless of course it's Chimay because that stuff is expensive). So, unless you want to ruin everyone's fun by being "sober," get over it; go join the American Temperance Society and leave the rest of the drunkards to those of use who know how to have a good time.
Cheers!
Coming up next... "Confessions of a Label-Peeler: You said what?"
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