Ah, it’s been so long since I’ve put pen to paper. Or perhaps I should say flesh to plastic, as I sit at my work computer trying to covertly type this under the suspicious eye of my boss. “Flesh to plastic”… sounds dirty. I like it!
You may not believe this, but I’ve actually calmed down recently. Going out less, dating fewer people. I know, sounds like crazy talk. Basically I’ve been really fucking boring. However, this infrequent association with social stimulation has made a few things very clear in my mind.
There are too many big fish in the pond.
Most of us are creatures of habit. We often frequent the same venues, usually for one of these reasons:
1. We are comfortable there because we know it so well.
2. We are uncomfortable going somewhere new because of our fear of the unknown.
3. At our favorite spot we receive favorable treatment. I got the hook up, holla if ya hear me, uhhhhh! Thanks, Master P.
Because we are always at old faithful, we always see the same people that also experience separation anxiety if they go any place out of the ordinary. In fact, if you participate in the circuit, or you’re at all in the scene, you see the major players of the game over and over again. This isn’t to say that all the major players are in “The Game.” Ok, wait, that was a lie - you just never know what they might be up to.
The circuit, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the San Diego scene, consists of one or two designated spots that people typically hang out at on specific nights. These are the “it” places where the bouncers sometimes try really hard to make you think you’re never going to get in because the line is soooooooooooooo long. Then, oddly, you see some people walk right up to the front door, shake a hand, and get escorted to the VIP area. No sex in the Champagne Room, write that down. The circuit has changed a little recently with some bar closings/openings, but still appeals to the same group of people.
Here is an example of the circuit in the good ole days, i.e. before the passing of that wonderful place on the corner of 6th and Market known as Side Bar.
Monday - Joltin’ Joe’s for Monday Night Football, then Henry’s
Tuesday - PB Bar & Grill for tacos, then the Tavern
Wednesday - Confidential… The End
Thursday - Side Bar
Friday - Stingaree
Saturday - Aubergine, Ivy, Belo, On Broadway… or any combination
Sunday - Bar West and then hit up the Tavy-Tav again
There have been substitutions lately, but you see the general trend. One day last fall when I was unemployed and uber-depressed, I decided to make myself feel better in the same way any decent looking twenty something should. I did the circuit something ridiculous like 17 days in a row. And wouldn’t you know it, I saw the same damn people every night! I was there to drown my sorrows in the Bud Light and shots I was able to swindle off unsuspecting men… What the fuck was everyone else doing there? Do they get paid to bar hop? How do I get that job? Because let me tell you, I would rock at it. And I’m not saying Simon & Garfunkel type of rock, I’m talking Jimmy Page sell my soul to the Devil kind of rock.
Alas, these people were not there working… they were just there. And if you get to know one, you’ll probably get to know the rest. I have about 750 contacts in my phone, and about 300 MySpace friends, but I bet that if we played six degrees of Kevin Bacon, I mean separation, it would be easy to connect everyone of them in less than six steps, without including me.
If you’ve never played six degrees of Kevin Bacon, you really should. Not because it’s cool, but just because it wastes time when you’re really bored at work and your boss is out of the office and you don’t have a damn thing to do. The goal is to connect any famous actor to Kevin Bacon in six or fewer steps using movies they worked on together. For example: Kevin Bacon and Will Smith
Kevin Bacon & Tom Hanks: Apollo 13
Tom Hanks & Antonio Banderas: Philadelphia
Antonio Banderas & Mike Meyers: Shrek
Mike Meyers & Beyonce: Austin Powers
Beyonce & Jamie Foxx: Dreamgirls
Jamie Foxx & Will Smith: Ali
Ta Da! Kevin Bacon and Will Smith in six steps. I win! Maybe you can do it quicker, but I seriously don’t care.
Back to important stuff.
All these big fish become a problem when you start to include dating and sex. If you say you’ll never date someone who slept with one of the big fish (yes, there are guys and girls in the big fish category) you’re going to have a very bleak outlook for future relationships. If you exclude anyone who has ever dated someone you know, big fish or not, you might as well move. The pool is small and it’s difficult to find fresh meat.
The whole thing often reminds me of high school. Although I really don’t know what the whole social experience was like in high school because I was a big fat loser and only ever went to two parties. I went to one sophomore year where I threw up strawberry margaritas off a third story balcony all over the side of a white stucco house (sorry Grant). The other was senior year where I hardly talked to anyone because I’m super shy and quiet. The only reason I was able to go was because my friend, who was a hot Brazilian girl, got invited and let me come with her. I wonder if the puking had anything to do with my lack of invitations... something to ponder. Somehow I still ended up with a nasty hangover, it was probably that Brazilian. Bad influence (just kidding Patricia). At that point I hadn’t built up the stupidly high tolerance I have now and three sips of champagne made my head ache for a week.
Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, high school. Like the popular crowd in school, the circuit consists of many big fish and several outliers. These are people that are infrequent participants in the scene, but are still accepted as belonging - mostly because they’re good to look at. The big fish and the outliers together make up the exclusive “popular” group, and they all fuck around with each other. It’s almost incestuous. But hey, I don’t know you, maybe that turns you on… you sick fuck.
Here’s what doesn’t make any sense to me:
- The major players are the desirable men and women that others strive to get with.
- These big fish, however, keep their status by remaining available. Therefore, they either discard people after they have been used up, or they keep them around as incognito side pieces. (P.S. This hardly ever works - everyone talks and there are no secrets.)
- After you’ve dated one of the biggies, no one else wants to touch you for fear of more than retribution, it’s more like fear of contamination.
So… why are the big ones still popular and desirable? People willingly get used by them and are then “ruined” in the eyes of everyone else and have no future prospects. I’m pretty sure this type of relationship should be labeled dysfunctional. Oh San Diego, what is wrong with us? I think we should all attend group therapy.
Stay tuned for: “Confessions of a Label-Peeler: Let’s start some rumors”
